Sunday, January 20, 2008
Sunday. Sunday. Sunday...
So the Chargers have been defused, and I'm sure the City and surrounding areas of San Diego are in a funk. I'm no big sports fan myself but it would nice if they had won. Everyone would be in a good mood, and hopefully spending more money. But as it stands, the Patriots move on to near perfection as the Packers and Giants duke it out for the NFC title. I know, I know...who gives a shit? Some one must...right?
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Stop Being So Negative...
that's what everyone tells me and sure I admit, I can be quite depressing but it's hard to stay positive when so many things are going wrong almost on daily basis. Add that with loss of sleep and the difficulties increase. But still I go on. What other choice do I have?
The only ray of light, however, are those around me that care about me, like my family. The amount of understanding they have shown and the support they have given, both financial and emotional, has been incredible. If it weren't for them, surely I would be living in van down by the river.
I always thought I would be an independent man and not have to rely on anyone else but lately that seems like all I do. It is a blow to my ego to know that I am damn near 40 years old and still can't take of myself and my immediate family. I mean I used to take care of myself but my oh my how things have changed in the last three years. Why can't I just have a regular mid-life crisis like everyone else?
Despite all this, I do accept total responsibility for my present situation. I blame no one else. No one pushed me into the hole I am in now. I can't blame others for my problems because I am the one that let myself be led by others. This is the price I have paid for not making my own decisions.
So here I am now...trying to find positive solutions and move forward. We'll soon find out what happens next...
- the Guero
The only ray of light, however, are those around me that care about me, like my family. The amount of understanding they have shown and the support they have given, both financial and emotional, has been incredible. If it weren't for them, surely I would be living in van down by the river.
I always thought I would be an independent man and not have to rely on anyone else but lately that seems like all I do. It is a blow to my ego to know that I am damn near 40 years old and still can't take of myself and my immediate family. I mean I used to take care of myself but my oh my how things have changed in the last three years. Why can't I just have a regular mid-life crisis like everyone else?
Despite all this, I do accept total responsibility for my present situation. I blame no one else. No one pushed me into the hole I am in now. I can't blame others for my problems because I am the one that let myself be led by others. This is the price I have paid for not making my own decisions.
So here I am now...trying to find positive solutions and move forward. We'll soon find out what happens next...
- the Guero
Thursday, January 17, 2008
A POEM FOR NOBODY
by Charles Bukowski
I read this while on the plane to Vegas.
poem for nobody
an apprehension for reality, the death of the flower,
the collapse of hope, the crush of
wasted years, the nightmare faces,
the mad armies, attacking for no reason at all
and/or
old shoes abandoned in old corners like half-forgotten
voices that once said love but did not mean
love.
see the face in the mirror? this mirror in
the wall? the wall in the house? the house in the
street?
now always the wrong voice on the telephone
and/or
the hungry mouse with beautiful eyes which now lives in
your brain.
the angry, the empty, the lonely, the
tricked
we are all museums of fear
there are
as many killers as flies as
we dream of giant
sea turtles with strange words carved into
their hard backs
and no place for the knife to go in.
Cain was Able,
ask him
give us this day our daily bread.
the only solace left to us is to hide
alone in the middle of the night in some deserted
place.
with each morning less than zero,
humanity is a hammer to the brain,
our lives a bouquet of blood, you can watch
this fool still with his harmonica
playing elegiac tunes while
slouching toward Nirvana
without
expectation or
grace.
I read this while on the plane to Vegas.
poem for nobody
an apprehension for reality, the death of the flower,
the collapse of hope, the crush of
wasted years, the nightmare faces,
the mad armies, attacking for no reason at all
and/or
old shoes abandoned in old corners like half-forgotten
voices that once said love but did not mean
love.
see the face in the mirror? this mirror in
the wall? the wall in the house? the house in the
street?
now always the wrong voice on the telephone
and/or
the hungry mouse with beautiful eyes which now lives in
your brain.
the angry, the empty, the lonely, the
tricked
we are all museums of fear
there are
as many killers as flies as
we dream of giant
sea turtles with strange words carved into
their hard backs
and no place for the knife to go in.
Cain was Able,
ask him
give us this day our daily bread.
the only solace left to us is to hide
alone in the middle of the night in some deserted
place.
with each morning less than zero,
humanity is a hammer to the brain,
our lives a bouquet of blood, you can watch
this fool still with his harmonica
playing elegiac tunes while
slouching toward Nirvana
without
expectation or
grace.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Vegas is not cool...
So my flight to Vegas was canceled so I took the next flight out an hour later. So I sat in the bar and ordered a breakfast and a pint of Guinness. I always try to have a drink before getting on a plane if I can. It's not that I am afraid of flying, it's actually quite a boring experience, but if the plane does ever decide to take a nose dive into the earth, I'd like to know that I at least had one final drink. The bartender is old black women with short hair who looks like she's had quite a life but seems happy to have a comfortable job at the airport.
There's a TV at the bar, CNN was doling out the so called news: Britney and her English accent, a dead Marine and her fetus, and other such newsy nuggets.
Two young white girls, who just met apparently, sit to my side taking about Britney, the murdered marine, and about boyfriends and clubs in Vegas. When I turn around and can't see them, I can't tell which one is talking. They have a lot in common. They sound exactly alike, they have that suburban white-girl accent.
Boarded the plane, It was an uneventful flight. Flew into the Vegas Airport. It's the first time I have ever been to this airport-it looks like a casino. It's weird. Got to the taxi-queue. It's a huge line but it moved quickly. My driver got me to the Hard Rock. I went to the fashion show. I was late and missed most of it.
Later I get a call from my manager. She tells me that a woman who accidentally walked into the glass door at my work last Sunday wants to be compensated for her injury. The door was closed and locked and she didn't see it. I was there the night it happened, I felt bad for her. But now she has walked into my store, demanding money. I just have to call my insurance...that's what it's for, right?
So I am in my hotel room. I didn't go anywhere. I watched a documentary on Hardcore Punk Rock in America in the early 80s. It was awesome.
I hate Las Vegas. There is nothing for me here. I don't gamble. I just don't enjoy it. I can't afford to play with money. There's already enough people trying to take mine away...
There's a TV at the bar, CNN was doling out the so called news: Britney and her English accent, a dead Marine and her fetus, and other such newsy nuggets.
Two young white girls, who just met apparently, sit to my side taking about Britney, the murdered marine, and about boyfriends and clubs in Vegas. When I turn around and can't see them, I can't tell which one is talking. They have a lot in common. They sound exactly alike, they have that suburban white-girl accent.
Boarded the plane, It was an uneventful flight. Flew into the Vegas Airport. It's the first time I have ever been to this airport-it looks like a casino. It's weird. Got to the taxi-queue. It's a huge line but it moved quickly. My driver got me to the Hard Rock. I went to the fashion show. I was late and missed most of it.
Later I get a call from my manager. She tells me that a woman who accidentally walked into the glass door at my work last Sunday wants to be compensated for her injury. The door was closed and locked and she didn't see it. I was there the night it happened, I felt bad for her. But now she has walked into my store, demanding money. I just have to call my insurance...that's what it's for, right?
So I am in my hotel room. I didn't go anywhere. I watched a documentary on Hardcore Punk Rock in America in the early 80s. It was awesome.
I hate Las Vegas. There is nothing for me here. I don't gamble. I just don't enjoy it. I can't afford to play with money. There's already enough people trying to take mine away...
Sunday, January 13, 2008
THE BEGINNING OF THE END...
Retail in a state of "anarchy" as consumers retreat
By Martinne GellerSunday Jan 13, 4:29 PM ET
NEW YORK (Reuters) - U.S. chain stores, reeling from the slowest holiday shopping season in five years, got some more bad news on Sunday: 2008 will not be any better and could see changes that may shift the retail playing field forever.
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